Rubbing It In
If you didn't already know, Mr. T and I broke up a couple weeks ago. It's been hard to write about in public places, but it seems it's been long enough that it's not salt in the wounds.
I think it was a long time coming. Dispite our being the absolute most perfect couple on paper, the application of it hasn't been working out quite right. It could be blamed on Aries/Pisces conflict, the water puts out the fire, and the fire makes the water steam. We never communicated well. It could have been that it's impossible for me to cohabitate with anyone, this isn't the first time this has happened. I don't know, it's frustrating that I can't pinpoint what went wrong, because I still deeply care for him and his daughter. Just typing that makes me incredibly sad.
On the other hand, I signed a lease on a new flat last night, and I spent about an hour taking pictures, measuring rooms, drawing little diagrams and was consumed by the joy of having a new place that I absolutely love. There are trees and birds and grass and lots of space, and the knowledge that I'll be alone, with my own space again.
Last weekend, I got to spend a little time with a group of people I had just gotten to know. One of the guys, who is a bit older than me, and very goofy, but also very smart made an observation after seeing Mr. T and I interact. I was shocked, because I hadn't considered it, and it was completely astonishing that someone could read me so well. He said that it's obvious that I'm over it, while Mr. T isn't, and at the same time he can't imagine anyone ever lasting very long with me, and that it would be hard for people to keep up. I don't think that I'm hard to keep up with, but I do get bored and listless pretty easily.
I just stared at him, blankly, turning that over in my brain. It's true, but it's something that I've been repressing for a long time. I am the most unhappy when standing still, and the gravity of being unhappy just drags me further down. Which is really too bad for anyone kind hearted enough to hang around and tolerate it.
So, there it is again, the edge of the abyss, toes curled over for grip before jumping in.
I think it was a long time coming. Dispite our being the absolute most perfect couple on paper, the application of it hasn't been working out quite right. It could be blamed on Aries/Pisces conflict, the water puts out the fire, and the fire makes the water steam. We never communicated well. It could have been that it's impossible for me to cohabitate with anyone, this isn't the first time this has happened. I don't know, it's frustrating that I can't pinpoint what went wrong, because I still deeply care for him and his daughter. Just typing that makes me incredibly sad.
On the other hand, I signed a lease on a new flat last night, and I spent about an hour taking pictures, measuring rooms, drawing little diagrams and was consumed by the joy of having a new place that I absolutely love. There are trees and birds and grass and lots of space, and the knowledge that I'll be alone, with my own space again.
Last weekend, I got to spend a little time with a group of people I had just gotten to know. One of the guys, who is a bit older than me, and very goofy, but also very smart made an observation after seeing Mr. T and I interact. I was shocked, because I hadn't considered it, and it was completely astonishing that someone could read me so well. He said that it's obvious that I'm over it, while Mr. T isn't, and at the same time he can't imagine anyone ever lasting very long with me, and that it would be hard for people to keep up. I don't think that I'm hard to keep up with, but I do get bored and listless pretty easily.
I just stared at him, blankly, turning that over in my brain. It's true, but it's something that I've been repressing for a long time. I am the most unhappy when standing still, and the gravity of being unhappy just drags me further down. Which is really too bad for anyone kind hearted enough to hang around and tolerate it.
So, there it is again, the edge of the abyss, toes curled over for grip before jumping in.
posted by 2ndaryHighway | 9:31 AM
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